OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
i just threw up repeatedly on the entire entire walk down A1A to the pizza place....then on the way back slipped and fell in it
so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
Good point, clearly my love of penis contributed to my torn knee ligament.
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
well I think it'll pretty much be gone by Saturday. On a scale of 1- Snooki's unborn child how much do periods freak you out?
But you've got to admit , for how blackout I was I look fucking unreal in those pictures
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
Randomize
