I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
After this weekend, it looks come this holiday season I'll be walking in a winter abortionland.
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
Omg. I wanna lecture the drug dealer about how highschool should not be his glory days.
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
Moonshine marathon is never a good idea
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
The neighbor just poured gasoline on his 2 brush fires and proceeded to shoot Roman candles at them 🤔
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