yah I made NO friends last night. at one point i think i replaced talking with spitting
Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
Nvm, he just almost drank his drink from last night, his drink that has the condom in it. Kinda answers my question.
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
sending my old camp counselor nudes. childhood memory win or new low?
i think i left you like a 5 minute message about the mcchicken burger i was eating. I think I called wanting sex but the mcchicken burger was a lot more seducing.
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
Randomize
