Last nIght I drank wIth the new guy from fellowshIp & my pastor I've known sInce I was 7. It was agreed by them that I had nIce tIts. I'm not weIrded out In fact I'm flattered...
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
I just deleted all the drug dealers from my phone, I guess this is growing up
You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
I've never seen a homeless man jog to get off the bus and then run to his panhandling spot because he's "late for work," but you see something new every day.
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?
I wouldn't be too worried. He's been known to chase a chubby before.
THAT IS NOT HOW YOU TALK TO YOUR SISTER
Ill go to bed but tamed sharks isnt so much of a bad idea. Not for riding
hahaha every time i hear a motorcycle i think about that one time you almost died
Thanks for the flashbacks you prick.
BTW car sex works all the muscle groups. Just sayin. Legs/butt are sore as are arms, back and core.
I don't want my liquor store dad to judge me...
I'm twenty nine years old, now is not the time to start trying new drugs. I need a hedge fund...not another drug-induced hangover.
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
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