girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
Our suitemates are shrooming again. I left a less colorful dress hanging on the door, change before you come in because purple is making Maeve cry.
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
That is NOT what pussyfooting around means. Try that again with your toe and I break it off.
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
Well I'm in the bathtub smoking a bowl and eating doritos and frosting so I might not be the one to advise you on this shit but I'll try.
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
I do not recommend playing football on LSD like at all
Randomize
