I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
never. drinking. again.
lets not get ahead of ourselves.
There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
please remind me not to sleep with group members until after finals week.
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
Oh, and she's that dumb bitch that goes out in public in full make up and sweats with uggs. I hope she falls face first in a bowl of queso and drowns
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
its 8 and I'm HUNGOVER!! how is that possible??
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
Randomize
