Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
If I had a nickel for every time my parents threatened to stop paying tuition I would be a very rich man. Rich enough to pay my own tuition.
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
Btw I don't have words to express my appreciation at how many times you've had to be on a dirty bar bathroom floor for me in the past two weeks
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
I'm to the point where I just want to get back at him in a hot man sex tornado way.
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
He made me come so hard I punched another hole in the wall mid orgasm.
I'm not fixing this one for you. Do it your own damn self.
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
Randomize
