Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
That basically sounds like the worst party of my life, and I'm including my brother's World of Warcraft themed birthday party.
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
my liver is dry heaving
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
Would you say that skipping class and sitting alone in my room singing One Direction to myself and sobbing is an acceptable way to deal with the break-up
I remember you banged her while I was dying on your couch, so good call
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
Randomize
