hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
im having a hard time not telling ppl about ur bathroom story
bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
so i guess now we know you can get away with peeing mere feet from the Capitol if you shout IM PREGNANT at the guards
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
hes that one kid that offered to spoon after staring at me for 5 minutes
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
shit i just threw up on a freshman
i don't know if i should laugh or feel bad..
nevermind it was a sophmore, laugh.
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
I woke up under the kitchen table. Andy is cursing out Joe Exotic's name in between heaves in the bathroom. Jay is trying to sleep w/ a shirt tied over his eyes. Lena and Brad braved the sun to go get bloody mary supplies and food. I'd say the Tiger King drinking game was a success.
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