i'm watching the fashion show on bravo
you're cheating on project runway?
if you can't score coke, you buy crack.
so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
Yea i traded my bed for half a bag of jimmy johns jalepno chips, am I proud of it no, Am I happy I did it? yes
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
How do I respond to this?! It's not easy to say "you're hot & the sex was good, but outside the bedroom you scare me"
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
Randomize
