Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
Still can't believe they give people like us a drivers license and college degree.
It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
Thats not what we're looking for. I want this kid to suck a lolly pop out of a stripper's snatch.
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
I disagree, if your last name is Weiner then the sending of dick pics should be mandatory. I'd give him a pass.
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
If my dildo had feelings, they. Would've deffinately been hurt. He put that toy to shame..
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
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