What can I expect? While all of my friends are getting married, all of his friends are tripping on robitussin
I just saw the list where the U.S. doesn't even rank in the top 10 in drinking countries. I know its Tuesday but....its for America
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
Just walked in and got handed a drink. Good service
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
I just asked Geoff what he is going to do because Hester left he said he was going to have gay sex with America.
I’m done with him. I’m going to the beach to catch a fresh dick
I ripped ass in on and around her face during a hard 69. I don't think she'll ever call me again.
Randomize
