if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
Please tell me why there is some girl tied to our toilet?
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
I would not be watching the debate if there wasn't drinking involved. Let's be honest.
It wasn't good. I can tell by the way he fucks me he watched too much porn
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
There's a naked man in my car right now.
Congratulations on your downgrade, shes one hell of a 5
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
Randomize
