My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
The girl next to me in class is taking notes on woman's suffrage with a girls gone wild pen.
No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
it's like russian roulette but with a penis
So who won the naked front yard Olympics last night?
Well my tits are spray painted gold & i have what i think r the Olympic rings shaved in my vag !!!!!!!SO its safe to say i won something ....
And after that you guys started calling arbor mist "breakfast juice"
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
Stop inviting Kevin over. The dickless wonder started playing some strange Sci-FY music and speaking an alien language and the girls split.
Randomize
