I was high as a kite when I got pulled over by a cop and he asked me for my ID and if I had been smoking weed, I said no and gave him my debit card.
The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
We're having the conversation about what happened last night, all we can come up with is that we came home, drank two litres of lemonade, I took one of her seizure pills and we fell asleep with sabrina the teenage witch on
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
The trick will be getting hammered before we get to the first bar
Challenge accepted
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
How many Wendy's frosties do you think it would take to fill a bathtub?
So changing channels while she's on top is frowned upon. It's back to thinking about baseball again.
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
Randomize
