allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
Just blew a perc off the traytable on my flight, spring break has begun!!
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
I was wasted and the time changed. I blame the male strippers.
The fun I thought I would be having now when I was six is vastly different from what I am currently doing. Hurraaay sex and vicodin.
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
Pretty sure I got at least one girl to question her sexuality at the Christmas party last night
Randomize
