Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
To be so small, the mini-horses are exceptionally aggressive. And fast. Very, very fast.
Abort! Abort! He almost bit off a finger!
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
He was my first. He knew. He knew right there I was wrapped around his penis.
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
I'm glad your nude photos turned out "classy" but you cannot hang them in the living room.
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
I fucked him twice and then he set me up with his teammate. This kid does wonders for me
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
Randomize
