Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
so my class lasted 15 minutes this morning because this kid puked all over himself..only at radford
My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
I mean, I'm all about sharing, but when he tells me about his wet dreams about Oprah, I think it's taking it too far.
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
I need a full description of the guy I hooked up with. I don't think I ever saw his face
he seemed brazillian..
fuck.
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
Randomize
