I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
we're at Rob's house and just invented the best drinking game ever....we are on Chatroulette and everytime we see a dick we all have to drink.
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
I feel eeeverything like there's a rhythm and everything can be felt w/o ever touching it. And it's beautiful. Sunshine or raindrops it's like orgasming. Everything has a taste.
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
She finally pulled over after almost hitting 4 cars and a semi and asked me if i was rwady i told her to let my penis to come back out
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
My dad is sitting where you rode me
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
Never going back to jail again. Only time in my life I've ever had a wet dream about jerking it...
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