she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
safety first
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
we did shots in class this morning as part of a presentation. WHY AM I LEAVING THIS COUNTRY?!
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
Would you say that skipping class and sitting alone in my room singing One Direction to myself and sobbing is an acceptable way to deal with the break-up
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
Randomize
