I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
Don't get me wrong, the sex itself is amazing, but I don't think I will EVER get used to her habit of singing lines Jesus christ super star when she is about to cum.
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
I had the bathroom of girls sing you happy birthday while you puked. I couldn't stop laughing. They were all so supportive
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
Cum just came out of my nose. That is all.
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