i need a lesbian romance or unplanned pregnancy for some spicein my life.
he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
Oh hell no my vagina is on that screenshot
I feel like there's def a learning curve to the sex swing
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
Apparently I told him the people made me order taco bell I didn't even want it. And then proceeded to turn off all the lights and sit at the kitchen table in the dark and told him not to look at me.
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
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