I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
Hiding in the clothes rack at walmart like a 4 year old. Already scared 3 people. New fav weekend activity
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
If a baby can come out of it, so can four raquetballs.
I think i just shit in their garbage can, I'm ready for that ride u owe bro.
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
ROB LOWE. SO BEAUTIFUL. SO DOUCHEY. SO HARD TO SPELL HIS NAME WHEN DRUNK.
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
had more orgasms than hours of sleep last night
Randomize
