he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
I only wish the guy being lead around by his cock at the drag show was the weirdest part of my night.
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
A gentleman never tells..... therefore i will neither confirm nor deny the attatched photos
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud.
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
I'm like going proud parent over you doing drugs, this is so wrong.
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
Randomize
