Bitch is talking to much, howd u ever get her 2 shut up?
It's worth it.
How worth it?
Back door worth it
When you told me you were coming to my show, I didn't know you were bringing Satan and Brokeback Mountain with you.
quick I need to know all the foods that the very hungry caterpillar ate
you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
There was a lot going on. It was easy to miss a 70 foot tall puppet.
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
Apprently after I bit that bouncer, it all went down hill.
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
Election Day 2016 shall forever live in infamy as the day when I hobbled through my neighborhood, mascara melting down my face, wearing one slipper and a cast, blood and cum all over my skirt, carrying a box of wine, and no one even noticed.
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
Randomize
