In the car with my brother. His CD went from 2pac to Taylor Swift. I'm concerned. It wasn't a mistake, he knows all the words.
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
We banged in his car behind the burrito place. Google Maps keeps asking me to rate my visit. 5/5, would cum again.
i still cant feel my toes or walk straight...its been 2 days.
I felt the need to set off fireworks in the living room while they were having sex upstairs. Yes, they quieted down.
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
Randomize
