Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
Don't linger or you will get sucked into spending the night. Remember the mission mantra: GET OFF
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
He let me eat chexmix while we fucked... I think I love him.
I am mentally ready for anal.
yea, she was legit pissed that her rasberry vodka ice cubes never actually froze. but we couldnt convince her otherwise.
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
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