I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
I'm home alone watching The Hills seasons, eating pickles and drinking straight rye. I just googled "how to make friends". Probably not the most pro-active solution. Help.
ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
Yeah. Fortunately, the road to Hell is paved with naked 21 year old girls.
Which beats the fuck out of good intentions.
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
my grandpa is going down the line on this prom picture, and telling me how big everyone's nipples are... he was spot on for me.
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
I told you all we needed steroids to survive the tour de franzia, like the bikers. But nobody listened...
I immediately regret the tequila decision.
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
His boxer smelled like clean laundry while I was giving him head. It was delightful, like sucking a dick in a spring meadow.
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
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