I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
okay serious question, the water is shut off in your house, do you attempt and use the clean toilet water for your new bong?
nobody is as good of a wingman as me. i make whoever im with look like mark wahlberg during his underwear model phase
Please dont jizz on my ds screen.
im using the astroglide sample u sent me as a bookmark for the book im using to write my midterm paper. i need to get laid. bad.
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
I just bared my soul to you and you fell asleep. Or you're fucking your boyfriend. Either way, not cool. fuck.
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
If I don't have the money by then, I'll pay you in sex.
It's going to be 23.5 times of sex and 19 blow jobs. I just googled it.
I wouldn't be too worried. He's been known to chase a chubby before.
THAT IS NOT HOW YOU TALK TO YOUR SISTER
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
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