So why didn't Edward and the Cullens just kill Hitler?
You need to stop watching Twilight.
he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
fine then we can just have courtesy sex i definetly won't like it
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
IF I CAN STICK YOUR DICK IN MY MOUTH, I CAN STICK MY GUM ON YOUR NIGHTSTAND.
Wanna hang out? my DILF had to dip out for his sons little league game
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
I just had to close my blinds so my neighbors wouldn't see me drinking a beer at 9 am. GO CHIEFS!
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
What are you bringing to class tomorrow?
sorrow
Randomize
