I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
Definitely saw about 20 people at my final that were never present before. It's like seeing who's gonna be serving me fries in 4 years.
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
Mattress luging...It's a long story.
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
A huge penis doesn't warm the soul. Or that's what I've had to tell myself.
he accidentally put it in my ass, i liked it but didn't tell him that and "accidentally" took his weed.
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
i cant go to his party cause last time i pressed the red buttons on the wall and the fire alarm went off for 40 minutes, i'm not allowed back there
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