I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
he burped in my vagina and tried to deny it...
I have no idea. There are 6 asians singing hey soul sister to me right now.
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
K, im gonna wait to get my dick pierced so we can do it as a family function.
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
It's whatever. Titanic is about to be on and we have wine, which is basically crying juice. Leo, Kate, and I will be having a lovely, pants free evening.
Got 3360 Shoppers points for buying Plan B. I guess this all worked out for the best.
Sorry about the nipples in that snapchat. It was meant for the Australian.
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
Randomize
