Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
open bar reception. dayglow. pray for me
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
So burnt out. Like weed hangover. And someone just fell through the ceiling outside of my class. How's your morning going?
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
I'm actually drinking gin and juice out of a floridas natural carton...so if that has any indication of how I'm doing
I just wanted to be nice to your dick and you are rhyming at me.
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
I mean my dick does have feeling again, which is a step in the right direction
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
I mean, I've had her boob in my mouth, but is that romance?
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
Randomize
