I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
what about "I will fuck you for a jamba juice" do you not understand?
She asked the class if starwars was based on a true story...
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
I'm not entirely sure what we did is legal in the U.S., but I know that couple wont be the same
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
I just wrote a self loathing message to self, wrapped my credit card in it, put it in an envelope, sealed it with another hate messame, and put it in my lock box. So. That's where I'm at.
We can have bacon on the roof while tanning
In honor of Randy Savage we're wearing spandex and handing out slim jim's with option to suplex. Get behind it
Randomize
