well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
I said that I'm avoiding parties and guys, and the freshman girl just laughed
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
Randomize
