she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
is there a reason why there is cup of piss in the fridge?
no
white trash bash was a total success...cops shut it down twice and her hair stayed in rollers all night..she never broke character
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
Dude, you punched me in the face bc I wasnt ordering your tbell fast enough. Then when you got it, you threw it out the window bc, and I quote, "OBAMACAREEEE!"
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
It was platonic naked porno viewing, I swear.
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