Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
he made me scream out "#24" while we fucked...no more football players
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
we're driving around with this really dirty (unclean and inappropriate) 60 year old ex-san quintin con named old skool d that my brother knows and hes bringing us to get weed. what is montana?
This is most sickening thing I've ever seen, and I threw up my body weight in jello shots on my birthday.
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
Hahahaha .. If it makes you feel better I had a sex dream about a cheeseburger last night so I feel like we both lose.
Randomize
