dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
Maybe if i eat something filling like whole wheat pasta it will make me less hungry for things like dick
totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
This is great- I found hangover detoxifying bath salt online. It flushes out the alcohol. We need this.
He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
It's Wednesday. And it's about that time to remind everyone that my priorities from last weekend have not changed moving forward into this weekend.
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
Just made out with the guy who gave me my tour. Full circle college win.
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
Why did I wake up next to the fire pit? And who wrapped me up like a burrito?
Jägerbombs. Thank Sara.
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
Randomize
