no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
I hope my shame shaped pee stain outside your door goes away soon.
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
YOU IS KIND. YOU IS SMART. YOU IS IMPORTANT. YOU IS CLEANING YOUR OWN VOMIT.
I CLEANED MY BATHROOM FOR YOU!! betrayal
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