Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
It smells like wine and fried chicken. Im confused and intrigued.
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
I inadvertently smoked 6 blunts at one time. We just kept passing them around...I didn't know what happened until it was over. I can't walk.
His penis is small and he doesnt like Harry Potter. HE HAS NO REDEEMING QUALITIES WHAT AM I EVEN DOING HERE
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
Ur dad just showed me a tit pic he got omf
I WILL KICK YOU IN THE FUCKING THROAT IF YOU EAT MY FUCKING ICE CREAM.
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
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