I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
They're tearing apart the house I lost my virginity in:(
probably one of the worst weekends ever... i got peed on by his sleepwalking roommate.
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
Hey now one little girl thought it was cool I was covered in blood. Apparently according to her Mom she wants to be a surgeon when she grows up
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