Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
That shit is worth it...they got medicine for that now a days
Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
I have no idea. After the fireworks it all went to shit. Do you know why I woke up with a road sign?
THERE ARE SO MANY GREAT DICKS IN THE WORLD. HOW DID I NOT DISCOVER THIS SOONER!?
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
Fuck you asshole. You cost me cheerleader pussy.
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
My husband has seen you naked more times this week than me. I don't consider it a bad thing since you keep bringing the booze to our house. And because my tits are bigger.
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
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