how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
Stage 55 clinger. not a typo. I cannot even believe this shit.
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
just had wine and brownie batter for dinner. Single life is good
I'm at the hospital waiting for my sister to push out her kid. I think I'll roam the halls and shame all the teenage mothers.
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
If you sleep with him again I'll have you spayed
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
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