I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
I think i blacked out...but i remember licking your teeth
he's my ex-boyfriend's best friend... he tried to make out with me to prevent me from hitting his friend. then they almost fought about it.
teach me your ways.
I'm sorry for the texts and anything that I said that may have caused confusion, pain or irritation. I shall not be drinking again. Furthermore I will not be keeping a phone on me should I fail to adhere to the prior statement.
I already googled the effects of Molly with my antibiotics, I should be fine.
Why is there even a knowledge base for that?!
To sum up. The glass blower from the ren faire ate me out last night. Best ever. Go find yourself an artisan.
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
Don't worry about us we're making Mac and cheese
MAC AND CHEESE ABORTED, WE HAD FIRE
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
Randomize
