I'm afraid that if I tell my sister I think Zachary Quinto is gay I'll have to put her on suicide watch for the next week or so
i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
I actually want to work out for some reason... I think it's my brains way of telling me it doesn't like living in a fat body.
By early evening I was shouting at the deeply Christian girl to suck my dick inbetween snorting lines of gatorade powder.
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
I don'y know if I should feel accomplished or disgusted. I just ate a dozen cookies all to myself. I'm leaning more towards accomplished.
Mom said it is up to us to plan Thanksgiving. Hooters or Scores?
Or???
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
I texted him: “Come over for the Super Bowl. I promise lots of scoring.”
My divorce is turning into a porn script
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