i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially.
margarita wednesday is really going to dip into new year's eve thursday
boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
It's like I just got slapped in the face with the cock of nostalgia.
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
His mom finally got over her shame and smoked a bowl with us. Merry Christmas to all aka me.
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
So...I know we have a conversation later this week. But one of the key things I want to know is if I can specify having my body mummified and buried in Egypt (or at least nearby the Luxor in Vegas). How much money do you think that would cost? Do I need to increase my life insurance policy?
Randomize
