i've been fucking this guy since february and just found out he might be uncircumsized. currently google image searching to confirm.
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
She thought that based on the way she feels that she got drugged last night, but come on, her turn on word is hello, who needs to drug that??
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
A guy at my table is reading a magazine called "Cheese Connoisseur"
We banged in his car behind the burrito place. Google Maps keeps asking me to rate my visit. 5/5, would cum again.
Well, I turned down sex again. This is guy #5 in the past 2 weeks. My vagina is going to seek emancipation.
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