I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
he took off his pants and apologized in advance if I thought he was too small.
Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
I just accidentally stumbled into an AA meeting...I think its a sign
Well hey if hot cowboys are involved then all bets are off.
Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
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