To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
I don't even know why I got my vag waxed
Ugh, tell me about it. As each day passes and the hair grows more, I get a little more depressed.
I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
The Vegas crew is in two groups, Team Vodka and Team Fireball. There is no winner in this.
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
You're the second person to offer to fuck me in the bathroom at work. Idk whether I should feel honored, or if cvs is just a turn on.
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
Randomize
