I'm just looking at Lindsay Lohan's vagina.
Oh yea! I was just doing that too!
Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
worse. her friends hid in the bathroom while she gave me head and then screamed surprise right as i was about to cum
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
Please come back. She just stuck her bloody band-aid to Zach's face, has a fire extinguisher, and is talking about tornados hiding.
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
She showed up after 3 hours and proceded to make us all feel like resonable human beings. I dont know how she did it but she did it.
O was like, nah, fuck 50-50. My version of bi is that i'm 80% gay, 20% drug-addled decisions. Apparently he's straight on hallucinogens.
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
Randomize
