grilled cheese. we just shotgunned grilled cheese.
I don't think you'd be able to understand Inception if you weren't high...
Should I feel bad that I fucked her and made her ride my little brothers razor scooter home?
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
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