She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
whatever, you made your decision to be a responsible student and where did it get you? a pushed back exam and no blowjob.
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
hey now, it was 6 bucks for 5 shots. you would have lost your panties too.
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
I only had ten dollars. So leave it to Katie to somehow makeout with the bartender, on his shift mind you, and get free drinks.
I slipped in the shower today and broke my lighter..
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
Randomize
