Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
why dont you just whore around college until someone loves you...thats how it works for girls isnt it?
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
This guy is clearly nuts his idea of a hangover cure is a six pack poured into a camelpack then hiking 3 miles with a weighted vest. He said "learned it in the army i guess drink beer beat the heat"
can we for just one second remember that I played with a homeless man's rat at st marks?
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
Sorry you uh had to see that last night. That's the problem with open fields, no privacy...
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
Randomize
