i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
I'm sorry for throwing the cheese everywhere, but it wasn't my fault. No one was enforcing disipline so not really my fault for not behaving
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
Cause your way of greeting people at the club was grabbing a tit and jiggling it while yelling a name, which usually wasn't theirs, and guys weren't safe either.
Hes trying to fuck me on a bear rug. Not saying no.
I just looked at your pics on Facebook....there was cake? Where the fuck was I!?
I made friends with the delivery guy because he had beautiful dread locks and was a Zelda fan. He texted me after he left saying he wasn't trying to be creepy but we should be friends. We're hanging out tomorrow.
How does this kind of shit happen to you?!
I missed rounds this morning...my senior resident hooked me up to and IV and made me stay in the clinic because he said I didn't look presentable enough to walk around the hospital
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
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